A goodbye to my Shadow.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I could never be ready. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the void I now feel. My shadow.

I hate that I had to decide it was time, though I know if I hadn't you would not have made it through the night. You were suffering so, my Shadow. 

I held your head and you looked up at me with those eyes that pleaded for something, anything, to make your pain go away. I wish I would have known what was wrong before, I wouldn't have left your side as you never left mine. 

Chopper and Harlie were my first babies. 

A year ago and a half ago I lost my Harlie, (white).. She was almost 9 years old. I didn't think I would hurt so badly. And then this weekend, my other best friend (he was 9 1/2). Chopper (brindle) was my shadow, my constant protector. My heart is broken.

I took his endless, unconditional love for granted. Not on purpose of course, But often I could only see the inconveniences, his inability to get along with certain dogs, his drool, his unexpected unsure attitude towards new people. It's true what they say, once they are gone, those are the things you miss the most. With Chopper around, I never worried that someone would break in, I always felt safe. I often joked that he followed me around the house constantly and at times even messed with him because I knew he would be coming right behind me, there is no one there now. And even though I have my sweet Ella, I still find myself lonely without him, and I know she is struggling too. 

This may be Chopper's last picture...But he will always be with me, protecting me from above.